One of the key elements to effective communication is being persuasive and sending convincing messages to the receiver urging acceptance. To accomplish this requires an understanding of one’s desire to be led, affirmed and acknowledged. A good starting point is the understanding of not how much two people like each other but rather, how much each is paying attention to what the other says.
To share or not to share
Being a good listener is to concentrate and avoid distractions which fosters improved concentration, and leads to improved listening. If you concentrate intently on the sender, you will receive much more information than if you pay superficial attention. There are commonalities in universal belief dimensions, such as cynicism, social complexity, reward for application, spirituality, fate control, and universal status norms. Shared talking styles herald new and lasting romance and provides an interesting insight into an unusual type of understanding that sits at the heart of romance.
Romantic ties may indeed benefit from matching conversational styles, suggests psychologist Simon Garrod of the University of Glasgow in Scotland. There is also evidence which suggests that even unconscious mimicry of speech rate, emotional tone and mannerisms by a conversation partner increases how much that person is liked.
Two sides of the same conversation
According to Language Style Matching (LSM), designed to determine the degree to which any two samples of language are similar in their language styles, interestingly enough, does not measure the kind of vocabulary two people engage in, but how similarly they use function of words, which include pronouns, prepositions, articles, conjunctions, auxiliary verbs, etc. to match interpersonal communication. It can be most helpful in analyzing two sides of the same conversation.
Once you enter your words in the interaction and then the other person’s words, you get a number back that assesses the degree to which the two of you match. The more the two people are paying attention to each other in their interaction, the higher the LSM. This assessment score gave me a good sense of how similar my friend and I were in the use of language styles, which indicates how synchronized our use of words are.
Synchroncty requires continuity
Accordingly, this interaction was an approach to synchronicity which required description of the sheer need to be understood, characterized by verbal communication which can be very challenging and on occasion, even interfere with the effective use of words. Although the report assured me that our words were in sync, it did not provide me with a thorough way to predict the quality of our interpersonal communication.
Multiple intentions and interpretations could easily deliver a message beyond the words. Words not only have denotations, the dictionary version of the word, but also have connotation, which suggests an implication for the chosen word. For example, in addition to “metamessages” words can reflect attitude, levels of abstraction, and multiple intentions and interpretations. Meanings are in people, not in words.
How to match conversational styles
Clearly, romantic ties may benefit from matching conversational styles. A number of verbal strategies that enhance interpersonal relationship’s are fostered by establishing a positive and supportive climate and by communicating a sense of value for others. Popular opinion reveals that when communicating words, it is important to establish a supportive relationship, to describe rather than evaluate, to solve problems rather than control, to come off genuine rather than manipulative, empathize rather than remain detached, be flexible rather than rigid, and present oneself as an equal rather than a superior.
Interpersonal communication is a dyad level measure of the degree to which two people in a conversation subtly match each other’s speaking or writing style, and interpersonal similarity plays an important role in the development of romantic relationships. However, there is obviously more involved than just matching talking styles. For example, synchronicity is the experience of two or more occurrences, in a manner that is logically meaningful—but inexplicable—to the person or persons experiencing them. Every successful relationship forms a commitment with someone which means coming to terms with new limits of independence.
Sources:
- Ireland, M. E.(2011). Language style matching in relationships.
- Bower. B. (2010). Shared talking styles herald new and lasting romance.
- Sole, K., (2011). Making connections: Understanding interpersonal communication.
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